HumorMatters™HumorMatters™
Warning: Halloween Humor May be
Spooky
Do Not Spook unless you are spooken to!!
Mature Jokes
Happy Halloween...
What do you call a guy turned on by a witch?
A Scared stiff.
Halloween
Joke
An extremely shy and very modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his digestive system upset.
Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that the latest
was another false alarm, so he stayed put in his bed. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Loosing his presence
of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started
yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled
pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had
watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What was that all about?" Still
staring down at his feet, the drunk
replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost"
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY :)
A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came
down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good
time. Being the devoted husband he was, protested. But she argued and said she was going
to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him there was no need for him to miss the
fun. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one
hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks
watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around. She joined the
party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing
with every nice chick he could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner
high and dry and devoted his time to the new "action". She let him go as far as
he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition
in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just
before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home and put the costume away and got
into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his notorious behavior. She
was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what he had done. He said,
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not
there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell
you, I never even danced one dance. When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill and some
other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the
guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one helluva time!"
From Kelli
Top 5 Reasons Why Trick or Treating is Better than Sex
5. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
4. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
3. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
2. If you wear your Batman mask, no-one thinks you're kinky.
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!
A
Dozen REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
Some of these are repeated above
12. Dressing up and fantasizing isn't considered kinky.
11. If you get tired,
nobody gets an attitude.
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the
sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone
else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE
WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
Humor from the Net
humornet@pobox.com
By Cathy Grammer-Margolin
The Howling Husband
The Wolf Man comes home one day
from a long day at the office.
"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked
meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna
eat! Alright! Is that alright with you? Can I come home
from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food
down my throat? huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing
things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to
herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
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